The most important holiday of the year is this Friday. Yes... Festivus is upon us once again. As you know, Festivus has been around for a very long time. Here are some of my favorite traditions:
- Festivus always begins with The Airing of Grievances.
- At the Festivus Dinner, the entire family gathers at the table. The head of the household reviews the past year and all the disappointments he/she has with each person seated.
- Christmas has the tree (not to mention that whole baby Jesus thing). Chanukah has the menorah. Festivus has the pole, which must be tall, skinny, aluminum and devoid of tinsel (too distracting) and have a very high strength-to-weight ratio."
- Feats of Strength is the high point and the final part of any Festivus Celebration.
The Festivus Dinner is the most important part of our holiday celebration. The food must be perfect and since Michael was a chef in a previous life, we are the envy of many estranged relatives (which gives them suggestions for their personal grievances).
I'm so excited about this year's menu, I just have to share:
Creamed Corn Tacos (the first taco consumed without corn oozing out and spilling is considered the first Festivus Miracle)
Limburger Cheese and crackers
Skyline Chili Dip (a Cincinnati favorite)
Arugula, curly endive, nasturtium salad with vinegar (symbolizes the bitter spirit possessed by all)
Ham with a Mountain Dew and black strap molasses glaze ('nuff said)
Mashed potatoes (a reminder of all our mashed hopes and dreams)
Asparagus spears (representative of the Festivus Pole- no tinsel)
Braised Bulb Fennel (can't wait to watch our guests squirm when they try to eat this crap)
Fruitcake (but you haven't tried myyyyyy fruitcake....)
I have 2 grievances to share... (I'm saving the best ones for Friday)...
- Albany, Oregon guy... You are still creeping me out... make your presence known man... We know your creeping around other places too... we've seen ya over at Michael's, Master Jedi Rob's, and Wonder Woman's.
- The left lane is for passing.... GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- OK... 3 grievances.... LEAVE A COMMENT!!!!!!!!!
How do you celebrate Festivus? Have you experienced a Festivus Miracle? I want to know!