Saturday, June 09, 2007

I Know It Is Not Really Getting Better

Sunny - Hi 107 Lo 81 for Baghdad, Iraq
Sunny - Hi 108 Lo 78 for Qandahar, Afghanistan
Sunny - Hi 82 Lo 59 for Northern KY, USA

Song of the week: Let Go,
Frou Frou

I have been remiss for not including Afghanistan in my weekly weather report.

Ramble:

I am very fortunate to be 42 years old and still have my grandparents. My father's parents have been and are still a vital part of my life. When my mother was working 18 hour days my brother and I would go off to my grandparents for the summer. My grandmother taught me how to set a table, polish silverware and play make believe, how to embroider, play solitaire, Chinese checkers, and jacks. My grandfather taught me the difference between a buckeye and a walnut tree. He taught me how to look at cloud formations and tell whether or not a storm was headed our way. He taught me how to put a worm on a fishing hook and how to go crawdad (craw-fish)hunting down in the crick (creek). I would call my grandmother every single day all the way through high school to tell her about my day. My grandfather was always working... whether it was at the job or in the yard or in his workshop (where to this day in one of the rafters is the Playboy photo of Marilyn Monroe)... I remember running out to be with him and he would be standing there using a rake or a shovel to lean against while he swigged down a bottle of Coca-Cola and staring at the sky. I would ask him what he was looking at and he would always respond by telling me about "that hawk is getting ready to get himself some dinner" or "that squirrel is getting ready for a bad winter". All of my idiosyncrasies come from my mother and my grandparents. Words in my vocabulary do not begin to express how important they are to me.

I must have been about 30 years old when it occurred to me that they had become... old... I don't remember what specifically triggered this realization... it just happened... My grandparents were old... that they weren't going to be around forever. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it simply had never occurred to me and that understanding hit me like a ton of bricks.

These are the folks that taught me respect and self discipline. They taught me to find appreciation in simple things - nature, music, a good book, imagination, falling asleep in a hammock under the stars, The Tonight Show...they taught me that love of country was important-- to always stand with my hand on my heart during The Star Spangled Banner... that freedom and liberty were things worth dying for...

The dichotomy was they also taught me through their example to be afraid of everything... to be suspicious and not trust others... I know now this is a direct result of how they were raised especially my grandmother. No doubt it was also a direct result of losing their daughter at the tender age of five to leukemia. Because of this, Terry and I were always "protected" from ourselves. My grandmother was/is an amazing cook and she never taught me. She was convinced I would get hurt in the kitchen... with a knife or on the stove...

In any event, I hate that they are old- I don't want them to die. But what is worse and this was my epiphany on Saturday... is that they hate it more. My grandfather just can't get around like he used to- he has no energy, he can't breathe. My grandmother is feeble- this was a woman of strong German stock and she used to tower over me... she is now so much tinier than me and bent over with osteoporosis. My grandfather forgets that he is limited and will continuously overdue it and that will cause him to be sick for days. They both suffer from depression-- My grandmother because her mind is still sharp as a tack and she is such a stickler about keeping things just so-so but no longer has the ability. My grandfather because he is slowly forgetting things and knows it. Today as my grandfather and I were running his errands he was still insistent on opening doors for me... At one point he said, "Cass, I just can't do this anymore... I'm puny, I'm feeble."

My grandparents... I love them. They would do anything... anything... anything for my brother and me. I pray that they put their faith in God. They are tired of living but too afraid to die. I just don't know how to make them feel better except to be there for them...

Blogs and Links to Check Out This Week:

Stop in and say hello to DragonLady. She and her family have suffered a loss.

Let Go

Drink up baby down
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me too busy you're writing your tragedy
These mishaps
You bubble-wrap
When you've no idea what you're like

So, let go, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go, l-let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

It gains the more it gives
And then it rises with the fall
So hand me that remote
Can't you see that all that stuffs a sideshow?
Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later
Now you can't await
Your own arrival
You've twenty seconds to comply

So, let go, so let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's alright
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go, yeah let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

So, let go, so let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's alright
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go, yeah let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

In the breakdown
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
The breakdown

So amazing here
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

1 comment:

DragonLady said...

Thank you so much Cathy.

I only knew one of my grandparents, and Granny passed away when I was 15. I always wish I had appreciated her more when she was around.